Ximplicity v2.0

Sorry i’ve been missing in action long enough until i think i’ve lost all my readers..

anyway, i’ve been living a very hectic life ever since the beginning of June, and it’s been killing me.

things just piled up if you leave it there for a day..

just 1 day ago, i was still all contented and positive about what’s lying ahead

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however, when things start to pick up, when people giving good responses and me being all energized up..

fate decided to play a little joke on me.

received a call from a buddy about an opportunity with very tempting reward.

it came at the right time though, when i was at my worst condition, financially.

it didn’t come at the right time, since it put me onto the toughest crossroad i’ve ever come about.

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should i give in to reality on the expense of what i finally long for?

i hope i’ve made the right decision as it affects not only me, but someone else who is counting on me for a better tomorrow..

and i certainly hope what i’m going through tomorrow is going to worth all the anxious and insomnia i’m going through right now..

perhaps pat was right, “Gamble is a game you need to have money to play with, if you’re running out of ammo, then you’ve no choice. the answer is obvious”

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decision is always difficult to make, but it has to be made.

and the moment of truth will be 12 hours from now.

i’ve chosen to give in to reality, because it had been hitting me hard enough.

moreover, i’m no longer living life alone, sense of commitment has driven and is driving me crazy.

because i have made a promise i must keep.

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let’s hope for the best tomorrow…

if it goes well, life, will be very different.

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Now Listening: David Gray - Sail Away

Eventually, i think you’re right.

it’s better if i have not read any.

because at the end of the day, what i’ve gotten are more questions than answers

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it took me a while to decide..

eventually i did though..

took away the RSS from your site so it stops feeding me questions than answers.

and so i’ve decided not to read anymore, but to start writing again.

anyway, i’ve neglected ximplicity long enough till there’re complaints

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but please.. don’t you misunderstand.

i don’t read, does not mean i don’t talk

for i still love and enjoy every single second we’re talking and sharing.

and for whichever role i’m playing in your life as you assume.

i still do….

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Now Listening: 李聖傑 - 收放自如

I guess we’ve been reading and hearing a lot of news about Tibet and we’ve seen enough of mottos like:

Free Tibet!!

Free Tibetans!!

Gives Tibet back to the Tibetans!!

Gives Humanitarian to Tibet!!

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Seriously speaking la…

What do we know about Tibet, China, Tibetan and Humanitarian Rights?

or,

How much do we actually know about the relationship among these 3?

ask yourself la..

or,

you can try this:

“Describe what you know about Tibet Issue in your own words without any help from google”

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you don’t need to challenge me, because i can tell you i know shit about the Tibet Issue though it has been around since the 60s, most importantly, i don’t fucking care because i’m not here to side either. i chose to STAY NEUTRAL on this topic.

however, what i’m sure is that this is definitely not an overnight issue, the history between China and Tibet must have been longer than any great grandfather stories, with thousands of twists in between. a twisted great grandfather story which involves Tibet, China, Politics, Political interests, Economical Interests, blah blah blah.

when things got politically involved, it could be messier than your pubic hair.

just look at our own Malaysia Political scene, it’s muddier and dirtier than Klang River.

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now tell me, who are we to say Tibet does or does not belong to China?

Tell me, who are we to say Tibetans do or do not need to be freed?

Tell me, do you even know TIBET is a blady Deriviated name given by Europeans?

tell me la….

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how many of them who shouted “FREE TIBET” has actually gone to Tibet THEMSELVES and STUDY THEIR CURRENT SITUATION?

what i was trying to say is: STOP SHOUTING MOTTOS JUST BECAUSE THE MEDIA PAINTS YOU A PICTURE.

simply shout motto DOES NOT mean you care, it just makes you look like morons because you don’t even know why you are shouting it. you want a good example? Sharon “fucking-stupid” Stone is a damn blady good one.

if you really care, READ the history and STUDY the current situation before you pick any side.

HERE’s a pretty nice article i read who stands on neutral ground as well

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and by the way, if you are seriously interested in picking any side, here’re some articles you should spend a little time reading, i’ve done the search for you

>HOW MUCH YOU REALLY KNOW ABOUT TIBET?<

i’ve also picked a few that really matters.

>About Tibet<
>Tibet Through Chinese Eyes<
>International Tibet Independence Movement<
>Tibet Overview on BBC<
>Why some Western media wage ‘asymmetric warfare’ on China<

Now, Start Reading!

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Now Listening: Goo Goo Dolls - Can’t Let It Go

i guess, no one really likes it when a holiday ends…

.

though it’s not a holiday where you enjoy the sun, sea and sand at Maldives.

nor a holiday which you can shop till you drop at Milan.

nor a holiday where you get to see the jaw dropping ancient ruins and awe over the wisdom of ancient civilization.

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it’s just a simple week-long “holiday” where you can enjoy at the end of a tired day with noone else but someone who’re so important to you, under the same roof you’ve been growing up, living a very normal life like everyone else.

have simple home cooked dinner.

be couch potatoes after dinner, watching what’s what on TV.

running simple chores.

grab a cig together on the balcony, gazing into the starry night.

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now only i realized how much i hate sleeping alone, in an empty room.

When Holiday ends, it means good bye…

no matter how difficult it actually is to say good bye..

no matter how difficult it actually is to stare into a wardrobe that is half emptied. i guess, i should find some time to fill the emptied racks..

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Now Listening: Maroon 5 - Won’t Go Home Without You

The moment you were in my arms.

all i felt, was the warmth i will need to get used to,

for it will be the warmth i am going to spend a lifetime with..

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The moment your lips were on mine.

all i felt, was passion and love that sparks life which needs all my giving.

for it will be the only pair of lips i am going to kiss for the rest of my days.

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The moment you circled me with your hands.

all i felt, was trust, love and dependencies

i will remember the scent of yours that embalmed the air around us.
for it will be the only scent which i could pick up, no matter how bad my sinus is going to be.

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i wondered, were you listening to what my heart was saying when your lay your ears on my chest.

if you were..

please, tell me what did it say.

did it say “I am all yours now, please handle with care”?

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good night, my little sweet fairy

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Now Listening: Corinne Bailey Rae - Like a Star

it is today, that i’ll remember for the rest of my days..

because it is today, April 19th 2008, at 2am.

I am reborn, revived by love, the love that she’d surged me.

It is your love that has just made me the luckiest man in the world.

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I’m sorry, I never realize reaching out my hand has become such a difficult task. because this time, it was me who was shivering..

for the reason i understand at the moment i reached out my hand to catch yours, i am surrendering myself, to you, to life, and to a future that no longer consists of myself only, but US. it is a very scary thought, to be honest.

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though shivering, the fact is, my dearest and beloved Ms. Right, i WILL NOT regret for reaching out my hand at all…

for i can still feel your warmth even now..

not only that, but your love, your heart, your trust as well as your future.

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Thank You very much Ms. Right, for giving me your hand.

a pair of hands i shalt swear to heaven and earth that i will cherish for as long as i can still breath..

for it will be the pair of hands i will want to hold tight to mine while walking down the aisle to the other end of the red carpet.

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to all my brothers and sisters, please do me a big favor..

please give me the tightest slap you can if i ever strayed off course along the way.

because the last thing i ever wanted is to disappoint Ms. Right.

for making her happy is my lifetime’s responsibility now.

thank you brothers, thank you sisters..

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It is today, which i will never forget.

for it is the first day we hold each other tight, hand in hand..

for it is the first day our journey of a lifetime begins…

and, i guess the time has finally come to be a real responsible man for saying this:

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I LOVE YOU..

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Now listening: Corrine Bailey Rae - Like A Star

It’s one of those days where you actually wake up in the morning with a smile on your face

today was one of the best mornings i’ve ever had for a very long while.

because i woke up in a smile, with the images of you still fresh from my dream.

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you know?

i’ve not talked to someone whom i have deep feelings for, with such an opened heart, mind you, not even to her.

that was one of the best face to face and heart to heart conversation one can ever have with someone you are so crazy over.

truthfully, what we had yesterday night was the sweetest, yet intellectual conversation, with a lot of opinions and views exchanged, as well as naughty and kiddo jokes in between.. and most important of all, the words of supports and encouragements from you. by now, you should know how much they meant to me. to me, the most crucial link between two person ever is the ability of the 2 person putting everything on the table and chat over it. you know? even if it was just a simple conversation session at the mamak stall, the most important part is about us, talking about just everything, intellectually but not forgetting to have fun during the conversation.

oh, and i think i still haven’t told you yet, your eyes are still the most beautiful pair of eyes i’ve ever seen. it’s so impossible to move my eyes away from yours. that pair of eyes, they speak, and they speak of only one language. love it is.

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Thank you very much, Ms. Right…

though it’s still a long way ahead, i’m so grateful that you’re willing to slow down your pace just for me to catch up.

you said you’re lucky, i doubt it..

why? because the one thing i’m very sure is that, i think i’m luckier

and because what you’ve told me yesterday night just made me the luckiest man in the world.

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and that pair of shivering hands when i first touched with mine in the car?

i’ve just promised myself to do whatever it takes so that i can hold it, for the rest of my days.

then one day, down the aisle of the red carpet, not shivering anymore but holding tight to mine…

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i realized, no matter how bad the weather is during the monsoon season..

The sun, still shines…

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Now Listening: James Blunt - I’m Yours

只一步而已, 有那麼困難嗎?

對…

就是那麼難..

..

因為這一步因妳而踏出…

也因為這一步, 有毀了我對愛情所有憧憬的可能…

更因為這一步, 決定了妳的幸福…

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Now Listening: 蔡建雅 - 空白格

someone asked me yesterday night if an article in my blog was written by me.. yes it was, it’s for someone who needed it… what i am going to do now, is to re-write part of this article for MYSELF, with the actual elements and messages i want to convey now to you, on this moment, this day, April the 15th, 2008.

not to be confused anymore, this article, is by ME, written for you, Ms. Right…

我說過: 愛情是感性的, 不要用理性去分析, 不然會變很複雜
可是生活不是, 所以, 生活可以用理性去分析
因為, 我相信愛情和生活在我們的這個年齡是分不開的

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未来是两个人在互相扶持, 而不是互相依靠…
妳給我的感覺就是妳不會太過依靠和依賴另一個人..
那是因為妳獨立自主的個性和妳那有條有理的思路,

妳知道嗎?
妳總是會在我每一次送妳回家之後, 叮囑我小心開車..
我知道這很普通, 甚至是普通朋友之間也會做的事
可是比這特別的.. 是妳會告訴我..
妳很開心這次的見面和過程, 這麼多次了也依舊如此..
妳知道這是沒有人能做到的嗎?
因為這些小信息, 妳讓我深深感覺到我的出現, 是有被appreciated的
單單因為妳的’懂得珍惜’, 就足夠讓我無法自拔…
也因為這樣, 我都很堅持每一次都把妳送回家, 就算妳不讓我送到家門口…
可是, 我為的, 就是那個總是能夠讓我很溫暖的信息…

妳有著那股不會讓人有喘息機會的活力, 讓我很享受和妳每一次的談話, 和妳爽朗的性格..
雖然, 妳也很明顯有著那星座特有的不定時情緒波動,
有時甚至會讓我覺得以後會有波動得讓我招架不來的慘況..
但至少我已慢慢因為妳學會如何去把那種情況變成生活上的一種調味品..
還有, 妳也有那少少讓人心慌的含蓄, 讓我害怕以後妳會把很多東西都收起來不說..
我知道, 這些性格以後一定會讓我們有無數次的爭吵…
但, 有哪對情侶會有不爭吵的時候?
我希望的只是, 那些都是不會互相傷害的吵嘴

我也喜歡妳和我一樣重視朋友,
因為朋友在某種程度上對我來說是排在情人之前的.
所以我不用擔心我們會少了和朋友相處的時間,
更加不用擔心我們會為了對方而忽略了各自的朋友,
因為忽略朋友對我來說, 是死罪…

還有, 和妳認識的這段時間裡, 我覺得我們依然會有各自的私人空間..
私人空間於我的重要性, 是絕對的..
更何況一直以來, 我有連家人也不曾過問過的私人空間

我也知道妳願意聆聽並能和另一個人分憂,
不論是在事業上, 家人, 人際關係, 朋友, 還是純粹生活上的瑣碎小事..
這, 對我來說很重要.. 要知道典型天秤座的我, 很多時候是很多愁善感的, 並很優柔寡斷…
縱然很多時候我還是得自己解決, 至少我覺得妳應該能夠給扶我一把, 而不是棄我於不顧.
這些都是在和妳談話中分享生活點滴時妳給我的回應, 就能看得出來的…

我不否認, 真正認識妳和了解妳的時間真的不長, 所以, 大家都有所保留是肯定的事..
而且還有很多很多關於思想觀念上的東西, 我依然還是有很多問號
我也了解, 正如他們說的, 和妳開始了之後, 很多相處上的問題才會慢慢因相處方式而浮現…
但我願意把那些未知的因素, 留做以後的生活surprise, 慢慢去發覺, 並學會互相遷就..

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我相信單以妳的外在條件而言, 我的對手從吉隆坡我家開始排到妳家鄉, 也未必排的完.
況且, 在這所有人中, 以我目前的狀況來說, 比我條件好一百倍, 一萬倍的也肯定不少.
目前, 我是希望的是在我為生活拼搏的這段時間裡, 時間能站在我這一邊, 在妳還沒有找到另一個寄託之前, 讓我能有足夠的時間好好的去更加認識這個人, 也同時讓妳好好認識和了解我這個人, 因為我是絕對有自知之明的, 單以外在條件我可能已經輸了很多人幾條街
況且, 我也深深地了解到, 我在選人的同時, 別人也在選我的這個道理..
因為這只不過是一場選擇的遊戲.

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宇宙里沒有東西是永恆的, 除了時間…
就連偉大的太陽也終會因時間而有暗下來的一天.
所以把一切都交給時間, 是正確的..
我不敢奢望些甚麼, 我只是希望時間能夠站在我這一邊…

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最後, 我希望妳不要誤解我對妳說過關於她的事.
無可否認, 對於那個她, 我依然偶爾會想起..
畢竟, 她曾經是我生命的全部, 更是我未來的一部分.
基本上, 她的離開, 的確是把我生命的一部分給取走了

可是, 我絕對不是在找一個愛的替身..
因為我不喜歡作人於人之間的比較..
因為愛情是不能比較的, 當我們一比較, 天秤就會不平衡
當天秤失去了平衡, 所有在天秤上的人都會受到傷害
過去的那個她像煙火般的璀璨, 曾經照亮了我的生命,
我希望的是, 妳將能夠和我一起譜出延續最動聽的生命之歌,

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“兩個人之間在一起, 除了開心, 更要學會分憂, 和學會互相尊重和互相體諒..
況且, 兩個人在一起之所以有意思..
正因為是思想觀念上既有交集, 也同時有分歧
因為那才會有思想上的共識, 和言語上的交流”

開心, 其實真的可以很簡單
兩個人在一起, 真的應該學會甚麼叫做 “執子之手”

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Now Listening: MYMP - Last Chance