Warning: This is going to be a pretty sentimental entry, surf away if you don’t like it.
it’s been quite a while since i have that weird emotion. it was about 8 years ago since i last felt it in me.
i caught a glimpse of someone who looks like you in almost every aspect, the way she talks, the way she thinks, the way she dress, the way she laugh, the way she smile, the way she display her emotions, the way she thinks and analyze, the positive energy in her, the sunshine like characteristic, the generosity personality in her, even the words she uses.. and the best part is i was shocked that she thinks as mature as you were when you’re at her age, which is very different from the rest from the same age group whom i can recall, the both of you were on the same wavelength as each other. the only difference as far as i know between the two of you is that you never tell me about yourself as much as she would, and the spirit of sharing which you always lack of…
however,
i’m stucked.
i’m confused.
i’m worried.
..
..
to make things worst, i’m afraid.
i’m afraid of losing because i’ve experienced it before and it almost killed me…
i’m afraid of rejection because i’m not sure i can take it once more…
i’m afraid because i’m not sure whether i still have the strength because i’ve used all of it to love you…
i’m afraid because the two of you are so alike that it reminds me the pain you’ve given me…
all these while, i’ve been reminding myself i will not repeat the mistakes i’ve done that once cost me your departure and our separation… and i will not repeat the mistake i’ve done which almost cost me my strength, will and determination to love again.
..
..
i guess, i should not worry too much as she seems the part of me i believed i’ve already lost it a while ago and just follow what my heart tells me.
and most importantly, because this person who just walked into my life surge me the strength, will and determination to love, care and protect once again.
and i shall promised to myself, to her and to you.
she will not become your shadow like the rest no matter how alike the both of you are because i’ve already walked away from your world and i shall never look back, she on the other hand, is in a world of her own, a world which i hope to revolve around.
Now Listening: Augustana - Boston
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